Feeling Like a Bad Mummy :( ....

Today is the first time I have ever shed a tear at the school gates. I have never cried when the boys went off for their first days at school or Nursery . I am very lucky in a way in that they have never been upset by going and have always waved me and their dad off with a smile, kiss and a hug. But today was different and I didn't like it one little bit. I can totally sympathize with parents who go through this everyday.

The day started off just the same as it always does rushing around like a loon trying to find shoes, bags and lunchboxes. We were a little bit late setting off as Callum needed to make sure he had everything for his school trip. We arrived at school with literally 2 minutes to spare and I had to take in a bunch of letters and envelopes with things that needed paying into Nathan's classroom. I thought James had followed me in but no he hadn't so I panicked I'd lost him but as his nursery is in the next classroom I went straight there. A teacher said to me he was already inside but crying for me :(

As soon as he saw me he ran over to me and cried even more, he wouldn't take his jumper off, wouldn't collect his name tag or do any of the usual morning things that he usually would. I gave him a kiss and a cuddle told him I would be back soon and started to leave. With this he started getting worse, said "mummy I want to come with you" and one of his teachers stepped in and took him from me. As I was leaving I heard him crying and saying "I need my mummy", "I want my mummy" and "let me go to my mummy" I can honestly say these words broke my heart as he was so upset and I felt powerless. I wanted to bring him with me but knew this would only make him worse. So i left him his words tearing at my heart and as soon as I got to the gate I shed more than a tear or two and felt silly about it afterwards but then again he is my little boy and he was upset so why shouldn't I be too.

So far he has been in Nursery an hour and a half and I haven't had a phone call so I am hoping that this is a good sign and I only have another hour to wait until I can pick him up. I hope we never have another morning like we've had today and I really hope that he is back to his usual happy smiley self tomorrow when I take him in.